Conversation Tactics: Strategies to Command Social Situations (Book 3): Wittiness, Banter, Likability

HPM is one of my favorite conversation tactics because I believe it is widely applicable. It stands for History, Philosophy, and Metaphor.

History is your personal experience and memories about the topic at hand. Imagine the key phrase as I remember when I…

when your vocal intonation rises at the end of a sentence – that rising intonation is what normally indicates a question.

More often than not, using upspeak will not make you sound accommodating; it will just make you sound unsure, passive, and as if you don’t know what you’re talking.

Second, practice ending your statements with a declarative tone. A declarative tone decreases at the end of a statement, and slightly emphasizes the last word to make it clear that you are asserting something.

Here’s a simple truth to keep in mind if you’re tempted to use upspeak to hedge your bets. When people ask you questions, they just want an answer – not an ambiguous question disguised as an answer that they have to decipher or interpret!

in most cultures women have been socialized to accommodate and be relatively passive and less aggressive. So they use upspeak to show they are accommodating and willing to change their declared intent, even if that’s not really what they want.

Upspeak, occasionally known as uptalk, is when you phrase your declarative sentences as questions. Doing this doesn’t follow expected speech patterns to others, so it typically causes confusion and misinterpretation all around.

Philosophy is your personal feelings, stance, or opinion on the topic at hand. Imagine the key phrase as I really love/hate that because… Finally, Metaphor is an external topic, related or not, that the topic at hand reminds you of. Imagine the key phrase as That totally makes me think of…