“Undependence” is a term Penelope Russianoff uses to describe that desirable balance wherein we acknowledge and meet our healthy, natural needs for people and love, yet we don’t become overly or harmfully dependent on them.

Denial is the shock absorber for the soul. It’s an instinctive and natural reaction to pain, loss, and change. It protects us. It wards off the blows of life until we can gather our other coping resources.

Sometimes the weak are the most powerful manipulators and controllers.1 They have learned to tug at the guilt and pity strings of the world.

We don’t have to take rejection as a reflection of our self-worth. If somebody who is important (or even someone unimportant) to you rejects you or your choices, you are still real, and you are still worth every bit as much as you would be if you had not been rejected. Feel any feelings that go with rejection. Talk about your thoughts. But don’t

We consistently give more than we receive, then feel abused and neglected because of it. We wonder why, when we anticipate the needs of others, no one notices our needs. We may become seriously depressed as a result of not getting our needs met. Yet a good caretaker feels safest when giving; we feel guilty and uncomfortable when someone gives to us

Eventually, though, we must come to terms with what is if we ever want things to change. If things are ever to be any different, we must accept reality. If we are ever to replace our lost dreams with new dreams and feel sane and peaceful again, we must accept reality.

However, at the heart of most rescues is a demon: low self-worth. We rescue because we don’t feel good about ourselves. Although the feelings are transient and artificial, caretaking provides us with a temporary hit of good feelings, self-worth, and power. Just as a drink helps an alcoholic momentarily feel better, a rescue move momentarily

Taking care of yourself is a huge job. Stop expecting other people to do it.

Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.