Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself (Revised and Updated)

For each of us, there comes a time to let go. You will know when that time has come. When you have done all you can do, it’s time to detach. Deal with your feelings. Face your fears about losing control. Gain control of yourself and your responsibilities. Free others to be who they are. In so doing, you will set yourself free.

(1) name three things you can see, (2) name three things you can hear, and (3) move three body parts until you can feel them (hand, arm, foot, leg—any body part will do). We’re right where we need to be, each moment in time. We’re not missing out.

Sex is a way to express the love that already exists.

“I don’t trust people who never get mad. People either get mad or get even,”

Why do we do it, then? We react because we’re anxious and afraid of what has happened, what is happening, and what might happen. Many of us react as though everything is a crisis because we have lived with so many crises for so long that our reactions have become habitual.

Sometimes, we prefer to stay angry. It helps us feel less vulnerable and more powerful. It’s a protective shield. If we’re angry, we won’t feel hurt or scared, at least not noticeably so.

Acceptance doesn’t mean adaptation. It doesn’t mean resignation to the sorry and miserable way things are. It doesn’t mean accepting or tolerating any sort of abuse. It means, for the present moment, we acknowledge and accept our circumstances, including ourselves and the people in our lives, as we and they are. It is only from that state that we h

Many of us have dark nights. Sometimes the way is foggy and slippery, and we have no hope. All we can feel is fear. All we can see is the dark. I was driving one night in weather like this. I don’t like driving, and I particularly don’t like driving in bad weather. I was stiff and frightened at the wheel. I could barely see; the headlights were onl

In my group, I saw people who felt responsible for the entire world, but they refused to take responsibility for leading and living their own lives.

Whether the globe of your life shatters in one moment or develops fault lines and cracks slowly, trauma is about more than endings; it’s the beginning of transformation. The purpose of the shattering isn’t to stay broken; we can allow ourselves to be transformed and even take an active role in that transformation.