To honor the self is to preserve an attitude of self-acceptance—which means to accept what we are, without self-oppression or self-castigation, without any pretense about the truth of our own being, pretense aimed at deceiving either ourselves or anyone else.

We react because we’re anxious and afraid of what has happened, what might happen, and what is happening.

“I don’t trust people who never get mad. People either get mad, or get even,”

they do whatever is asked of them; they please people; and they try to do their work perfectly—at least for a while, until they become angry and resentful.

“Sounds like you’re having a problem. What do you need from me?” Learn to say, “I’m sorry you’re having that problem.” Then, let it go. We don’t have to fix it.

I will not allow criminal behavior in my home. I will not rescue people from the consequences of their alcohol abuse or other irresponsible behavior. I will not finance a person’s alcoholism or other irresponsible behavior. I will not lie to protect you or me from your alcoholism. I will not use my home as a detoxification center for recovering alc

What we, as codependents, need to learn to do is fulfill these desires, needs, and wants in ways that don’t hurt ourselves or other people, in ways that allow maximum enjoyment of life.

Detachment involves “present moment living”—living in the here and now. We allow life to happen instead of forcing and trying to control it.

However, most people aren’t thinking about us; they’re worried about themselves and what we think of them.