Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“a healthy neutrality.”

… If I can accept that I am who I am, that I feel what I feel, that I have done what I have done—if I can accept it whether I like all of it or not—then I can accept myself.

We need to invite emotions into our lives. Then make a commitment to take gentle, loving care of them. Feel our feelings. Trust our feelings and trust ourselves. We are wiser than we think.

Detachment is based on the premises that each person is responsible for himself, that we can’t solve problems that aren’t ours to solve, and that worrying doesn’t help.

Let others say those words and learn to listen—not fix—when they do.

they do whatever is asked of them; they please people; and they try to do their work perfectly—at least for a while, until they become angry and resentful.

They grieved for their losses, then found a way to live their lives not in resignation, martyrdom, and despair, but with enthusiasm, peace, and a true sense of gratitude for that which was good.

to love and be loved, and to believe they are worthwhile and know someone else believes that also.1 I

If you want to act crazy that’s your business, but you can’t do it in front of me. Either you leave or I’ll walk away. You can spoil your fun, your day, your life—that’s your business—but I won’t let you spoil my fun, my day, or my life.