Victim Villain Hero “I’m trying” “I’m so tired and overwhelmed” “It’s obvious what we should do” “Here’s how we got into this mess” “You can count on me” “I’ll help you figure this out” “I’m so confused” “Here’s the source of this problem” “Look on the bright side” “I don’t know what else to do” “I screwed up” “I can handle this” “I have to…“

Fight, Flee, Freeze, Faint, and Fawn. Each of these five strategies has its own physiological signature designed to produce different sets of behaviors.

Another shorthand for saying that I’m experiencing life from a place of threat is to say that “I’m at the effect of the world,” meaning I believe that external conditions determine how I’m feeling and doing, and I can’t feel safe unless I manage, respond, or react to what’s happening outside of me. The Drama Triangle describes the three roles we

Loss of control means we’re afraid someone or something is getting in the way of our agenda or plan for how things “need to go.” Human beings use our capacity for agency, activity, and achievement as a tactic to make sure we stay safe, and when our control plan is put at risk, we become scared.

“Who am I if I’m not a good mother?” Or “I don’t know who I would be if I weren’t a good citizen, an activist, someone who stands up for what’s right.”

But changing culture is collective work, not individual work—even though it begins with ourselves.

Fear of loss of security Fear of loss of approval Fear of loss of control

looking at the habitual behaviors, body sensations, emotional states, and thinking patterns associated with each story.

the Faint response is designed to get us to act like a rag doll in the presence of threat. In action, the Faint response looks like collapse, despair, and lack of agency.