but all three roles share a belief that something has to change in the outside world in order for them to be okay.

Victim Villain Hero “I’m trying” “I’m so tired and overwhelmed” “It’s obvious what we should do” “Here’s how we got into this mess” “You can count on me” “I’ll help you figure this out” “I’m so confused” “Here’s the source of this problem” “Look on the bright side” “I don’t know what else to do” “I screwed up” “I can handle this” “I have to…“

All three roles are ultimately about believing that external circumstances dictate your internal sense of well-being.

reacting from a place of threat.

Another shorthand for saying that I’m experiencing life from a place of threat is to say that “I’m at the effect of the world,” meaning I believe that external conditions determine how I’m feeling and doing, and I can’t feel safe unless I manage, respond, or react to what’s happening outside of me. The Drama Triangle describes the three roles we

To that end, one big tip-off that we’re experiencing a situation from a place of threat is when we find ourselves in a repeating dynamic. The pattern itself suggests we’re letting fear dictate our behavior—we’re solving for safety rather than for a deeper issue. Stephen Karpman, a psychologist working in the 1960s, dubbed these repeating patterns

there are three roles that we assign ourselves and others: Victim, Villain, and Hero.

Even subtle degrees of threat are designed to cause us to prioritize feeling safe over experiencing other states, such as love, connection, curiosity, creativity, and aliveness. The more skilled we become at identifying fear and the more accepting we become of just how often it shows up in our lives, the more adept we become at not letting it

Loss of control means we’re afraid someone or something is getting in the way of our agenda or plan for how things “need to go.” Human beings use our capacity for agency, activity, and achievement as a tactic to make sure we stay safe, and when our control plan is put at risk, we become scared.