Change Your Questions, Change Your Life: 12 Powerful Tools for Leadership, Coaching, and Life

What’s really going on with me? Am I willing to forgive myself? And how do I want to feel?

practices and emotional intelligence, as well as Appreciative Inquiry, Action Learning, and positive psychology.

And we’re most effective at virtually everything we do when we’re in Learner. That’s when we’re most resourceful and flexible and have the most options.

Real personal power depends on how good we get at recovering from Judger once it takes over. That’

“If it’s true that you’re coming across as a know-it-all,” he continued, “which is the downfall of the Answer Man, you don’t leave much room for anyone else. You’re great at the technical stuff, Ben, but your present job requires much more than that.

Thus Ben learns to self-coach,

Socrates’ injunction “know thyself” speaks to this keystone of emotional intelligence: awareness of one’s own feelings as they occur.

With the ‘Judger agenda,’ as he called it, ‘the costs can be tremendous. The future can be only a recycled version of the past. And with the Learner program the power is on. The juice is flowing. You can actually make a new future for yourself.’

And the more we indulge it the more it becomes a habit and takes over. While it’s true we can never get rid of Judger, we can learn to manage it, to just be with it. Once you can do that a whole new way of being becomes available to you.

What happened? What do I want? What’s useful about this? What can I learn? What’s the other person thinking, feeling, and wanting? What are my choices? What’s best to do now? What’s possible?”