I look at it, certainly, inside relationships and how we reconcile these two fundamental needs that often spring from different sources and pull us in different directions. And I also think that love and desire belong, a little bit, to both of these sets of human needs, as well. So they relate, and they also conflict. And herein lies the mystery

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Intellectual intimacy isn’t always easy to find, but it’s even harder to sustain. Sometimes it feels like you’re always one layer too deep for the room, waiting for someone who won’t flinch at the weight of your references or the vulnerability of your curiosity.

We seek intimacy to protect ourselves from feeling alone; and yet creating the distance essential to eroticism means stepping back from the comfort of our partner and feeling more alone.