In a fitting-in culture—at home, at work, or in our larger community—curiosity is seen as weakness and asking questions equates to antagonism rather than being valued as learning.

What is the conversation about, and what is it really about?

I would set an intention to stop looking for confirmation that I wasn’t smart enough when I walked into a meeting, or that I didn’t belong at a parents’ meeting at my son’s school. I could not believe the power of this practice. My son, Charlie, is in middle school, and my daughter, Ellen, is starting her first year at college. We had a long talk

“Permission to be excited and goofy and to have fun.”

If we strengthen our backs, metaphorically speaking, and develop a spine that’s flexible but sturdy, then we can risk having a front that’s soft and open….How

the most important turning point comes when we focus on the future. What are we trying to accomplish for the future? What do we want our relationship to be going forward, and what do we need to do, even if we still disagree, to create that future?

approach bullshitting with generosity when possible. Don’t assume that people know better and they’re just being malicious or mean-spirited.

The first insight is the difference between lying and bullshitting that’s explained in the quote that opens this chapter: It’s helpful to think of lying as a defiance of the truth and bullshitting as a wholesale dismissal of the truth.

We must never tolerate dehumanization—the primary instrument of violence that has been used in every genocide recorded throughout history.