Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

Show up for collective moments of joy and pain so we can actually bear witness to inextricable human connection.

Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don’t belong. You will always find it because you’ve made that your mission. Stop scouring people’s faces for evidence that you’re not enough. You will always find it because you’ve made that your goal. True belonging and self-worth are not goods; we don’t negotiate their value with t

That’s common enemy intimacy. I don’t really know you, nor am I invested in our relationship, but I do like that we hate the same people and have contempt for the same ideas. Common enemy intimacy is counterfeit connection and the opposite of true belonging.

Boundaries: Learning to set, hold, and respect boundaries. The challenge is letting go of being liked and the fear of disappointing people. Reliability: Learning how to say what we mean and mean what we say. The challenge is not overcommitting and overpromising to please others or prove ourselves. Accountability: Learning how to step up, be account

A wild heart is awake to the pain in the world, but does not diminish its own pain. A wild heart can beat with gratitude and lean in to pure joy without denying the struggle in the world. We hold that tension with the spirit of the wilderness.

What difference do these stupid cupcakes really make? They matter because joy matters.

When strengthening our back is our particular challenge, we are often driven by what people think. Perfecting, pleasing, proving, and pretending get in the way of the strong back.

Our work is to get to the place where we like ourselves and are concerned when we judge ourselves too harshly or allow others to silence us.

Sometimes civility takes the shape of respect and generosity. I recently taught an online class with Dr. Harriet Lerner on how to offer a true, heartfelt apology and how to accept one. It