Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life

Self-centered people often get angry when someone tells them no.

“Keith,” his friend said, “Several times I’ve asked you about the money I lent you. I still haven’t heard from you. I don’t think you’re intentionally ignoring my requests. At the same time I wanted to let you know that your forgetfulness has been hard on me. I had to cancel a vacation because I didn’t have the money. Your forgetfulness is hurting

One woman’s life was changed when she realized that she could say, “I will not allow myself to be yelled at. I will go into the other room until you decide you can talk about this without attacking me. When you can do that, I will talk to you.”

The most common resistance one gets from the outside is anger. People who get angry at others for setting boundaries have a character problem. Self-centered, they think the world exists for them and their comfort. They see others as extensions of themselves.

They become rescuers. They give in to their impulse to save the person from suffering. They call the boss and tell them their spouse was sick when he or she was drunk. They lend more money when they shouldn’t. They hold up the entire dinner for the latecomer, instead of going ahead with the meal. Rescuing someone is not loving them. God’s love lets

No weapon in the arsenal of the controlling person is as strong as the guilt message.

We learn maturity by getting information, applying it poorly, making mistakes, learning from our mistakes, and doing better the next time.

Become proactive. Instead of allowing someone else to be in control, figure out what you want to do, set your course, and stick to it. Decide what your limits are, what you will allow yourself to be a party to, what you will no longer tolerate, and what consequences you will set. Define yourself proactively, and you will be ready to maintain your b

This is the dominant motive of martyrs. They give to get love, and when they don’t get it, they feel abandoned.

God will match our effort, but he will never do our work for