Both/And: A Memoir

I sometimes floated between an American accent, a British accent, and an Arabic accent, depending on whom I was talking to, but most people who met me didn’t think I had any accent at all. I slipped in between different stereotypes and didn’t fit neatly into any one category. I was never the “other” and found I could fit in everywhere.

We adapted in ways that made sense to my parents, letting go of cultural traditions that were no longer practical while holding on to the customs and practices that were important to them.

We honor the dream by doing the work. —Cleo Wade

Even with three daughters, my parents never prioritized saving money for weddings, as our friends’ moms had done for years, but there would always be money for education.

But on another scale, the decisions individuals make about their private lives, like a young girl’s demand that she be taken to school in defiance of prevailing cultural norms, also have surprising—and long-lasting—consequences.

Happy is the man who avoids hardship, but how fine is the man who is afflicted and shows endurance.

There could not have been a more stark reminder of how much constant pain he was in, all hidden by his perfectly tailored suits, his ever-present smile, his unfailing joy at the privilege of simply being alive. It took my breath away. How he found promise in life despite that pain might have been Abbu’s final lesson for me, delivered twenty-six yea

There were so many moments I was plagued with guilt, but I was also tugged in the other direction by the value of the work I was doing. To be a mother fighting for the kind of world I wanted my son to grow up in was just as important as being a mother who was there to tuck him in every night. Wasn’t it?

“It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.”