Both/And: A Memoir

I loved living there, but I don’t know if I would look back on it so fondly if it had been the only life I’d ever known, had I not carried my American roots with me while I was there and elsewhere, had I not been certain that freedoms I couldn’t enjoy in my current reality were just a flight away.

My father was curiosity itself. Whether with a bellman or a prince, he would strike up unexpected conversations. Sometimes, he would hear someone’s accent and tell them he had traveled to their country and had written about it and wanted to hear their story.

Even with three daughters, my parents never prioritized saving money for weddings, as our friends’ moms had done for years, but there would always be money for education.

Happy is the man who avoids hardship, but how fine is the man who is afflicted and shows endurance.

They would open conversations about her with “You know your mother was the first woman to…” Then they would conjure a character so fiercely determined, so independent, I had trouble reconciling it with the mild, uncomplaining mother who slept in the bedroom next to mine.

While I had always found great personal reward in doing my job, and my job always came first, so much in my professional environment was uncertain. Anthony’s very presence was the opposite—he was uncertain about nothing. He became my rock.

As we sat down for lunch afterward, I realized how serene and settled I felt. Something I had never felt before. Surrounded by the people I loved most and who loved me. There was no agenda, no one was pulling out briefing cards or talking about the goals of the gathering. We were just there to be there. In fact, we were there for me.

The greatest threat to freedom is the absence of criticism. —Wole Soyinka

That fork in the road, a quarter of a century ago, when I left a family wedding to embark on the great unknown, turned into the most unexpected journey, the next step in a path my mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother had cleared for me. It took me to a place that was worth every ounce of effort, commitment, and sacrifice required to get there