“We don’t resist change,” organizational psychologist Dr. Laura Gallaher told us. “We resist loss.”

As one study shows, it’s mathematically proven that your friends are much more likely to have more friends than you do. (Look it up!)[4] And more than 10 percent of our daily thoughts involve comparison, whether we’re on social media or not.[5]

The next time envy rears its head, explore what it’s telling you. Ask yourself: What do they have that makes me feel less than? What void do I believe having it would fill? Do I really want what they have? If yes, how much, and is it worth taking action to try to get it for myself?

Research shows that we tend to compare our weaknesses with other people’s strengths.

Separate the withins from the beyonds

(for our Uncertainty Tolerance Assessment, see this page).

Instead of making busyness a barrier to your anxiety, stop, acknowledge it, and sit with it.

By converting your ambient anxiety into more specific fears, you can pinpoint exactly what you’re afraid of losing and how you might be able to avoid some of those circumstances. Often you’ll find that you’re scared of losing a part of your identity or of experiencing uncomfortable emotions in the future.

Counterintuitively, science shows that what makes us miserable isn’t comparison itself; it’s when we don’t compare ourselves to others enough. That might sound ridiculous at first, especially if you believe the saying “Comparison is the thief of joy” (which has been attributed to President Theodore Roosevelt and others).