Big Feelings

Think of anger as a nonspecific alarm intended to move you out of harm’s way.

The next time envy rears its head, explore what it’s telling you. Ask yourself: What do they have that makes me feel less than? What void do I believe having it would fill? Do I really want what they have? If yes, how much, and is it worth taking action to try to get it for myself?

Comparison can teach you what you value: you’re more likely to feel intense admiration when you see someone doing something that you want for yourself—even if you haven’t consciously allowed yourself to want it.

“It’s possible your friends don’t want to burden you with their own troubles,” she explained. “It’s thoughtful but it’s also possible that it’s making you feel like everyone but you is thriving.”

Research shows that we tend to compare our weaknesses with other people’s strengths.

Myth #3: The less you compare yourself with others, the better

Myth #2: When you finally ____, you’ll stop comparing yourself with others and just be happy

It’s also evolutionarily advantageous to be hard on ourselves.

Comparison is central to figuring out who we are.[6]