People with healthy boundaries do not have ongoing experiences of drama or resentment. They resolve conflict quickly, take responsibility for their actions, and don’t take things personally.

is used to describe anyone who manipulates and controls the behavior of another person in an attempt to help them. The painful lesson of codependency is that manipulation and control never help.

Resignation in your inner dialogue sounds like, “Oh well, I guess I'm just screwed up and this is proof!” Instead, that voice could sound like, “I am starting to engage in my adorable codependent behaviors—I can stop now!”

I define codependency as “saving someone from the consequences of their actions.” If you are piercing a hole in your lifeboat and I am mending the hole, I am saving you from the consequences of your actions.

Resentment reminds you that you’ve been ignoring your own needs, wants, or preferences, or that you’ve been keeping them quiet rather than sharing them with others. You might be doing it to be polite or to make life simpler, but if you’re feeling resentment, you’re doing it at the expense of your own peace.

Ideally, when we transition in and out of states of dependency with those we love, we do so with clearly defined needs and boundaries for starting and stopping.

Double-booking Over-working Under-earning

Codependency can seem like caregiving but is often called caretaking, where a person anticipates another’s needs and provides for them without an agreement that care is needed.