Beautyland: A Novel

Adina remembers the night she told Dominic she’d never been lonely. How he believed her, and said it was so great. Andromeda, entropy, or whatever force is glue and the stuff glue bonds, must have been listening and laughed her/him/them/itselves senseless. Adina was lonely even then, under those frozen trees, saying those idiotic words. Perhaps she

Miguel wears a puffy orange vest over a flannel as if at any moment he might go camping.

Wine! It’s the worst! Wine is a liquid people pathologize in the way they talk about it, sell it, in the vessels they put it in. Red wine tastes like a dark-walled library and white wine smells like a woman looking away. IF IT’S TERRIBLE, WHY DO HUMANS DRINK IT? Because, like many things humans enjoy, it frees them from their bodies. Other examples

Everyone’s eyes are caught so Adina looks at herself in the mirror, expecting to see a goddess emanating a buttery glow. Instead, she sees a petite woman in a half-top lunging politely. Hair frizzed above her head like a disoriented halo. Unattractive redness blooms through her cheeks and neck.

The amount of time between realizing you have a hospital-worthy illness and how long it takes you to see a doctor is a sign of class. Where

On everything possible, human beings place a sunny-side-up egg. Most humans think this is great, these are the same kind of humans who rejoice when biting into a doughnut to discover jelly (terrible) or a chocolate truffle to find cherry syrup (terrible). If you request no sunny-side-up egg on your croque madame (married) or croque mademoiselle (no

Every so often the passing 7 train dismantles her.

One particular model on Anthropologie’s website appears to be in perpetual agony. She startles Adina as she scrolls the store’s wares: a smile, a beatific glance, then her: devastated. In a hip-length top, a flowy jumpsuit, a drop-waisted wrap dress, she is inconsolable. So different from the other models, pleasant and isolated in their editorial p

One of the most underwhelming human American expressions of support is: Congrats. Its brevity cancels its sentiment. If someone truly cared about their friend’s achievement, they would finish the word. Instead, congrats: You are not worth ulation.