And suddenly I realized that he knew everything that was going on in my head, all the time, and that he still loved me. Because who we are is behind all that.

“Don’t think about the past. Just be here now.” Silence. And I’d say, “How long do you think we’re going to be on this trip?” And he’d say, “Don’t think about the future. Just be here now.” I’d say, “You know, I really feel crumby, my hips are hurting . . .” “Emotions are like waves. Watch them disappear in the distance on the vast calm ocean.”

At one point I took five people and we locked ourselves in a building for three weeks and we took 400 micrograms of LSD every four hours.

“If a pickpocket meets a saint, he sees only his pockets.” Then he’d get up and leave. Or he’d write, “If you wear shoeleather, the whole earth is covered with leather.” These were his ways of teaching me about how motivation affects perception.

And suddenly I realized that he knew everything that was going on in my head, all the time, and that he still loved me. Because who we are is behind all that.

As they say in the Sikh religion—Once you realize God knows everything, you’re free.

I was taken back to the temple. It was interesting. At no time was I asked, do you want to stay? Do you want to study? Everything was understood. There were no contracts. There were no promises. There were no vows. There was nothing.

“—go, baby.”

my mind went faster and faster and then I felt like what happens when a computer is fed an insoluble problem; the bell rings and the red light goes on and the machine stops. And my mind just gave up. It burned out its circuitry . . . its zeal to have an explanation. I needed something to get closure at the rational level and there wasn’t anything.