And finally, as always, to Lilah. I told you the story of Joan and Vanessa the day I finished it. And you listened to every word. You gasped, and you swooned, and then, at the end, you cried. Nothing I’ve ever done creatively has been as satisfying as that. How lucky am I? To be the one to tell you a story. I will tell you stories forever, my love.

They say love isn’t always enough, but Joan knew, in that moment, that it could have been. It could have been for them. She should have told Vanessa that.

the exact sort of person she had always hoped she was. And now Joan is left to bear it. Joan’s legs buckle underneath her. She falls to her desk, the ground underneath her disappearing. She cannot hold her own weight. She can feel her heart begin to implode. But then, in a shock, Joan feels the most perfect peace overtake her. What a gift. To have

How could I say I loved you if I didn’t love this about you?

It is possible that Vanessa has asked too much of the world, pushed it too far beyond its limits. But if Joan’s voice is the one with her now, she must have done something right.

When the answer comes—so clear—she knows that her only course of action is the cruelest thing she could do to the woman she loves. And she hates the fact that she would not be able to live with herself if she made any other choice. She had made Joan a promise. That she would wake up every single day and choose her. Forever. And now she must break

She thinks back to every single moment of her teenaged years when she thought she was courting danger, daring God to take her. What a little snot she’d been. In this moment, she is closer to death than she has ever been. And she wants to fight against it with every fiber of her being.

“What an awful thing to do to a person! To make them believe they can have the things they never believed they deserved. And then take it away. What an awful thing.”

really listened, never learned from their stories. They were always punished for their hubris.