I also learned that when you hold someone accountable for hurtful behaviors and they feel shame, that’s not the same as shaming someone. I am responsible for holding you accountable in a respectful and productive way. I’m not responsible for your emotional reaction to that accountability.

Understanding and feeling those edges brings grace and clarity. The edges taught me that the more I used alcohol, food, work, caretaking, and whatever else I could get my hands on to numb my anxiety and vulnerability, the less I would understand my feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. I finally realized that trying to outrun and outsmart vulnerabilit

I know running away from the pain and anxiety is way more risky than leaning in and locking eyes with it.

Our anxiety often leads to one of two coping mechanisms: worry or avoidance. Unfortunately, neither of these coping strategies is very effective.

I understood that people would do almost anything to not feel pain, including causing pain and abusing power, and I understood that there were very few people who could handle being held accountable for causing hurt without rationalizing, blaming, or shutting down.

Setting realistic goals is a skill and a prerequisite for hope.

Emmons is the “world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude.” He is a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, and the founding editor in chief of The Journal of Positive Psychology. He writes, Research on emotion shows that positive emotions wear off quickly. Our emotional systems like newness. They like novelty. They like

hope is learned.

I understood that people would do almost anything to not feel pain, including causing pain and abusing power, and I understood that there were very few people who could handle being held accountable for causing hurt without rationalizing, blaming, or shutting down.