Most parenting approaches focus not on the whole child, but on the child’s behaviors—and how parents should respond to particular kinds of behavior. And they suggest responses to behavior that are oriented to the child’s brain: reasoning, requesting, or offering incentives, rewards, or consequences.

Feeling safe allows children to work at the top of their emerging executive functions. (Think of those things successful executives need to do to run businesses: stay focused, meet challenges, have self-discipline, and flexibly adapt to changing circumstances.)