Here’s what I’m noticing. I ask you if you are feeling hurt by what I said, and you say, “No, no, no, of course not. I’m not that kind of person.” But then you keep acting toward me in ways that people act when they’re hurt or mad at me. At least that’s how I’m seeing this. It seems to me the best thing to do is to try to figure out what I’m doing

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It is helpful to recognize a number of common speech patterns that tend to mask accountability for our own feelings: Use of impersonal pronouns such as it and that: “It really infuriates me when spelling mistakes appear in our public brochures.” “That bugs me a lot.” The use of the expression “I feel (an emotion) because … ” followed by a person or

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