Maybe you even believe that in order to receive love you must keep giving, as if love is something that must be earned.

become the observer of your emotions

Since my mother was struggling herself and locked into her own sympathetic and dorsal ANS responses, she was unable to provide steady attunement. As a result, my nervous system began to expect for my needs not to be met, for people to only be present part of the time, and for them to unexpectedly break off the connection. My mom’s personal

But some parents are too wounded to provide that kind of care. If one or both of our parents are anxious, they may be able to be with us sometimes, but they will get pulled away by their own inner upset unexpectedly and frequently. This unpredictability leaves us not knowing when they will next disconnect from us, making us frightened and

they find something wrong when there is any lapse in idolizing them. This justifies them actively rejecting us.

This means that as you dive deeper into this work, you will also have to be committed enough to keep turning down volume on the outside (not devoting all your attention to your relationship and not actively pursuing distractions), so you can pay more attention to your inner experience.

It’s important to remember that all your feelings are okay. What I mean by this is that there is no such thing as a “good” or a “bad” feeling.

We are always on guard for any sign that we could possibly interpret as potential abandonment because the pain of our early losses is like a tension spring just waiting to be released.

When left unexamined, core wounds that are formed in childhood and the embodied relational patterns attached to them will continue to control our behaviors from behind the scenes of our adult lives.