Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love

“What about the grand romantic gestures, the racing heart, and the butterflies in our stomach? I miss that!” Remember, when we were anxiously attached, these symptoms, which often got mistaken for chemistry, were actually early signs that our attachment wound was being awakened. Again, it’s time to get really real with ourselves about what we actua

When babies’ natural outreach toward their caregivers goes unmet, they also develop a felt sense, which is the feelings, sensations, and a bodily knowing that there is something wrong with them.

it’s likely their voices have become such a constant in the back of your mind that you even believe they are the strongest part of you. Maybe even the real you. But remember, they are not.

My gut would fall through the floor, as if something was being ripped out of me. Since our second brain, the one in our belly, is concerned with safety, this dramatic feeling was telling me that I felt in great danger of being abandoned. When we feel this way, rational thinking goes out the window and the protective fight-or-flight survival state k

Driven by fear and desire, these behaviors will continue until we get a response that reassures us the relationship is intact. Even though our partners have now responded, Little Me’s core wounds are not healed by this temporary return, so inwardly we remain on guard for the next sign of possible abandonment. It is very hard for Little Me to find t

become the observer of your emotions

When the fear of abandonment is set off, anxious people often leap to try to resolve things right away. The increased anxiety of uncertainty torments them: They need answers, they need a resolution, and they need them now! Their emotions are overwhelming and expand in all directions, causing them to reach out like the many limbs of an octopus in an

A very short definition of codependency is trying to control another person’s emotions and behaviors so we don’t have to experience our own painful feelings. If I can get you to stay close to me, I won’t have to feel the frightening abandonment that is lurking inside me (anxious person). If I can stay far enough away from you, I won’t have to exper

ultimately our feelings are the messengers of our emotional needs.