When left unexamined, core wounds that are formed in childhood and the embodied relational patterns attached to them will continue to control our behaviors from behind the scenes of our adult lives.

But some parents are too wounded to provide that kind of care. If one or both of our parents are anxious, they may be able to be with us sometimes, but they will get pulled away by their own inner upset unexpectedly and frequently. This unpredictability leaves us not knowing when they will next disconnect from us, making us frightened and hypervigi

ultimately our feelings are the messengers of our emotional needs.

we have often learned to be hypervigilant to the outside world as a way to stay safe, carefully monitoring the actions and reactions of others for clues that we may be abandoned

When we are anxiously attached, we believe that “being needed” is the same as “being loved,”

codependency, the term used to describe relationships in which one or both partners are focusing on the other’s needs in order to protect themselves from feeling their own pain and fear.

she would immediately call on her controlling Protector to stop the fear from overwhelming her.

you can begin to sense if this is a relationship in which the two of you can work together to help each other heal and grow, or if it is time to move on.

Tell yourself: “I will be okay no matter what.”