But some parents are too wounded to provide that kind of care. If one or both of our parents are anxious, they may be able to be with us sometimes, but they will get pulled away by their own inner upset unexpectedly and frequently. This unpredictability leaves us not knowing when they will next disconnect from us, making us frightened and hypervigi

Eventually, a lack of self-worth will also give way to an innate sense of your own lovability, along with compassion for the protections you developed as a child. Soon, you will find yourself showing up for yourself (and others) in ways that you never imagined could be possible.

Narcissists actually create destabilizing scenarios that mean they remain the center of attention, bolstering the belief of their wounded Little Me that they will only get what they need by dominating others.

When we are anxiously attached, we believe that “being needed” is the same as “being loved,”

Maybe you got made fun of at school for the way you looked or something you said, causing you to shut down parts of yourself that you learned were “not okay.”

This means that as you dive deeper into this work, you will also have to be committed enough to keep turning down volume on the outside (not devoting all your attention to your relationship and not actively pursuing distractions), so you can pay more attention to your inner experience.

Inner Protectors were warning, “Don’t say anything! You’ll only upset him. Speaking your mind will only lead to a fight. He’ll probably leave you. It’s your job to meet his needs, not his job to meet yours. Your feelings aren’t important.” These fears were rooted in Susan’s core abandonment wound and are an example of how a person’s Inner Protector

Recognizing her own unmet need for community, she takes positive steps to create this for herself.

“What about the grand romantic gestures, the racing heart, and the butterflies in our stomach? I miss that!” Remember, when we were anxiously attached, these symptoms, which often got mistaken for chemistry, were actually early signs that our attachment wound was being awakened. Again, it’s time to get really real with ourselves about what we actua