Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love

Essentially, we are living in survival mode, and as a result life feels empty of authentic, lasting joy and fulfillment.

you can begin to sense if this is a relationship in which the two of you can work together to help each other heal and grow, or if it is time to move on.

When we are anxiously attached, we believe that “being needed” is the same as “being loved,”

big part of this is just being warmly witnessed and understood, but it is also important that there is safety if there has been fear, acceptance if there has been shame, comfort if there has been pain, and togetherness if there has been abandonment.

chasing after another person as either a balm for our wounds or a distraction from being with our pain is what leads to codependency and love addiction.

Maybe you even believe that in order to receive love you must keep giving, as if love is something that must be earned.

Inner Protectors were warning, “Don’t say anything! You’ll only upset him. Speaking your mind will only lead to a fight. He’ll probably leave you. It’s your job to meet his needs, not his job to meet yours. Your feelings aren’t important.” These fears were rooted in Susan’s core abandonment wound and are an example of how a person’s Inner Protector

Given that connection is the most fundamental need we have, we will literally twist ourselves into whatever pretzel shape is required to feel like we belong.

When left unexamined, core wounds that are formed in childhood and the embodied relational patterns attached to them will continue to control our behaviors from behind the scenes of our adult lives.