Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

Conversations mostly centered on my parent’s interests.

emotionally disengaging from toxic parents is the way to restore peace and self-sufficiency.

“With my parents, I used to pick the good part of them I liked and pretend that was the real part. I would tell myself that this good part would eventually win out, but it never did take over. I also used to pretend that the hurtful parts of them weren’t real. But now I realize it’s all real.” When people’s defenses have become an integral part of

As children, many emotionally immature people grew up in homes where they were taught that the spontaneous expression of certain feelings was a shameful breach of family custom. They learned that expressing, or even experiencing, these deeper feelings could bring shame or punishment, resulting in what psychotherapy researcher Leigh McCullough and h

When internalizing children have self-involved parents, they often think that being helpful and hiding their needs will win their parents’ love. Unfortunately, being counted on isn’t the same thing as being loved, and the emotional emptiness of this strategy eventually becomes apparent. No child can be good enough to evoke love from a highly self-i

Situations that might make another child panic send internalizers into an intensely focused state while they figure out how to take care of things.

Especially when their parents are depressed or emotionally flat, internalizing children may take on a cheerful, lighthearted role, trying to bring happiness and liveliness into an otherwise somber family climate. With their liveliness and good sense of humor, they help others feel that things aren’t so bad. One woman described playing such a role t

Emotionally immature people, on the other hand, often take pride in their lack of this skill. They rationalize their impulsive and insensitive responses with excuses like “I’m just saying what I think” or “I can’t change who I am.”

Can be sporadically emotionally intimate