Has impenetrable boundaries

Emotionally immature parents may yell at or punish externalizers for their behavior, whereas they’re more likely to dismiss or reject internalizers’ feelings with shaming, contempt, or derision. And while externalizers are told that their behavior is a problem, internalizers get the message that their very nature is the problem.

Affect phobia can lead to an inflexible, narrow personality based on rigid defenses against certain feelings. As adults, these emotionally immature people have an automatic anxiety reaction when it comes to deep emotional connection. Most genuine emotion makes them feel exposed and extremely nervous. Throughout life, their energy has been devoted t

they responded with what they wanted her to do—the classic egocentric response of emotionally immature people.

Likes someone else to run the show or be the bad

Likes to pretend he or she doesn’t run the show

Their main sources of anxiety are feeling guilty when they displease others and the fear of being exposed as imposters. Their biggest relationship downfall is being overly self-sacrificing and then becoming resentful of how much they do for others.

Especially when their parents are depressed or emotionally flat, internalizing children may take on a cheerful, lighthearted role, trying to bring happiness and liveliness into an otherwise somber family climate. With their liveliness and good sense of humor, they help others feel that things aren’t so bad. One woman described playing such a role t

Often the relationship between a client’s mother and maternal grandmother was conflictual and unsatisfying, even though that grandmother might have become a nurturing figure for the client. It seems that many of my clients’ parents never had a supportive or emotionally intimate connection with their own parents, so they developed tough defenses to