They already have their hands full with a parent who acts like he or she owns them.

Emotionally disconnected parents don’t suddenly develop a capacity for empathy just because a child does something to please them.

Their experiences with their parents have taught them that relationships mean feeling abandoned and burdened at the same time.

Good relationships do take some effort and forbearance. But it shouldn’t take work just to be noticed.

By taking it one interaction at a time, you can experiment with setting aside any unrealistic desires for genuine emotional connection or support from your parents. You aren’t denying your past; you’re just accepting your parents as they are, without expectations.

this is one of the hallmarks of an internalizer: an almost over-the-top gratitude for any kind of recognition or special affection.

You can think of the true self as an extremely accurate, self-informing neurological feedback system that points each individual toward optimal energy and functioning. The physical sensations that accompany experiencing the true self suggest that whatever this self is, it’s based in our biology as human beings. It’s the source of all gut feelings

Again, the self-sufficiency of internalizing children tends to create the impression that they have no needs. They’re expected to be okay and get along without anyone watching over them carefully. They may be characterized as “old souls,” with their parents counting on them to do the right thing. They willingly oblige, playing a role that’s overly

Most emotionally immature people tend to be externalizers who don’t know how to calm themselves through genuine emotional engagement. When they feel insecure, instead of seeking comfort from other people they tend to feel threatened and launch into fight, flight, or freeze behaviors. They react to anxious moments in relationships with rigid,