A World In Upheaval

My guess is that what we need most in this chaotic world is moral direction. What we need most in a rapidly changing world is rootedness.

I’m not sure you can instruct someone to become religious, even if you believe it’s the way out. I think it’s something that happens to you, when you’re open to it.

But without any legitimate external authority to shape the self, whether cultural or familial, there can’t be any real stability for the individual. There can be no real constraints on the desires of the self, since that would have to come from an authority beyond it; nor can there even be any awareness—let alone shame—that what the self desires mi... See more

Ultimately what both sexes need, I think, is a cultural message that it’s okay to depend on each other. We should depend on our partners—to stay, to be faithful, to give support. And from that we can be more independent. Long-term relationships shouldn’t be about losing yourself, but becoming more of who you are.

What I can do, what I’m trying to do, is put into words how hard it is to be without religion. To feel your way through this world without moral guidance. To exist without any sense that you belong to something bigger. To have nothing to atone for; nobody to feel indebted to. And to show that yes, we might not be shackled to old-fashioned morality ... See more

If one is told constantly that the epitome of personal “empowerment” and self-actualization is precisely that one should never sacrifice anything of the self and its desires—to always prioritize “finding yourself,” “staying true to yourself,” and maximizing autonomy—then the formation of deeper relationships is made effectively impossible.

I really believe that the only way to find relief from anxiety, to find self-esteem, self-respect, self-love—everything we’re searching for and is so prized in modern culture—is trying to live a more virtuous life.

“I think more generally our problem is a progressive culture where we are afraid to say what is decent moral conduct, where we can’t really call out what is undignified or distasteful anymore, where we’re terrified to enforce any ethical expectations.”

And you know, we have all these negative words for long-term commitment now. “Settling” has become a bad thing. But I love that word. Settling down. Settling your nervous system. Because only once you’re settled, can you play.