A Liberated Mind: The essential guide to ACT

Start with what’s going on for you. Are you angry? Is that because you’re afraid? Or insecure? Maybe you’re just tired and feeling worn down. Or maybe your child’s behavior is reminding you of things in your life that were traumatizing, such as an accident. Take a moment to open up to what you’re feeling with curiosity and without harsh judgment. I

2. Take perspective. Spend another moment to see if you can put yourself in your child’s shoes with a sense of empathy and compassion. We tend to treat our children’s behavior as we would a math problem. Instead, look at your children as you might a beautifully told story—with an attitude of appreciation. You and your children are about to write the n

The social extension of acceptance is, in part, showing compassion for others, even when they may be causing us pain. Acknowledging that they are feeling their own pain helps us avoid the traps of lashing out in response or breaking away from them.

Extending acceptance also involves being willing to share with them about the pain they’re causing us, despite the fear we may have about doing so.

If we are going to increase acceptance, we will need to do so in an accepting, nonjudgmental, and values-based way. There is a formula for ensuring that we’re doing so: Instigate, Model, and Reinforce it, From, Toward and With It!

Thank you for sharing that with me, for trusting me with it. I feel closer to you when I know what you feel, even when what you are feeling is hard for you to share and hard for me to hear.

When engineers want to build an earthquake-safe house, they add flexibility to the foundation. Just so, the flexibility skills provide a strong foundation for our relationships.

1. Show up and check in.

An example is provided by one of the best types of therapy for depression, Behavioral Activation (BA).14