The Second Lesson: Friendship Is as Important as Romantic Love

The Fourth Lesson: Talk to Each Other

Decades of research, as well as common experience, have shown the truth of the adage “You are only as happy as your unhappiest child.”

The First Lesson: Marry Someone a Lot like You

Based on their long experiences both in and out of love relationships, their first lesson is this: you are much more likely to have a satisfying marriage for a lifetime when you and your mate are fundamentally similar.

The view from the end of the life span is straightforward: time well and enjoyably spent trumps money anytime.

Most important, the experts believe that marriage is vastly more difficult with someone whose orientation and approach to life is different from yours. There are many ways partners can be similar, but the experts focus on one dimension in particular: similarity in core values.

The Third Lesson: Don’t Keep Score

Tip 3: Watch out for teasing. Ben Santorelli and his wife eliminated one way of relating that they found dangerous, a strategy that could be emulated by many couples: AFTER WE GOT MARRIED, we went through sort of a teasing phase, and it was getting out of hand. So we made a pact that we wouldn’t tease the other person at all, and it really helped.