3-2-1: On hard conversations, how to ruin a good strategy, and asking for what you want

your offer should be open to modification by the other person. Think of the goal rather as “offering and discussing a possible description and purpose” for your conversation. In other words, the task of describing the problem and of setting purposes is itself a joint task.

In the first type of discussion, you're soliciting their ideas and input for the items you're working on in discovery. In the second type of discussion, they're asking you clarifying questions on the items they're working on delivering to production.

The more words it takes you to describe the topic, the less prepared you are to talk. For example, when we asked one skilled person what his message was in a forthcoming performance review, he said, “I’ve concluded he is not good at managing people or projects.” Boom! Crystal clear. Simple. He’s ready. Why is this clarity so rare? Often when we mor

The easiest approach is first to talk about how to talk. Treat “the way things usually go when we try to have this conversation” as the problem, and describe it from the Third Story:

Figure 3.8 The expected and actual experience of presenting to executives. My general approach to presenting to senior leaders is: Tie topic to business value. One or two sentences to answer the question “Why should anyone care?” Establish historical narrative. Two to four sentences to help folks understand how things are going, how we got here, an