1001 Dad Jokes: Dads' Ultimate Collection of Laugh-Out-Loud, Gut-Busting Gags (1001 Jokes and Puns)

The Metropolitan Police have stated that whoever broke into Scotland Yard last night and locked all their case files in a picnic basket has seriously hampered their investigations.

Piano theft is increasing on a grand scale.

I came second in a fancy-dress competition in my giraffe costume. I know I didn’t win but at least I can hold my head high.

I was driving along when a policeman pulled me over. ‘What’s your name?’ ‘Steve’ I said. ‘And your last name?’ he asked. I said ‘It’s always been Steve’.

Child psychologist? No thanks. I’d rather see an adult one.

The Self-Deprecation Society is inviting applications. I’ve already put myself down.

I relabelled all the jars in my wife’s spice rack. I’m not in trouble yet but the thyme is cumin…

After watching real life police documentaries on TV, I don’t know why the police don’t arrest everyone with a blurred face.

I had a great day at work today. We got a delivery of bubble wrap so I asked the boss what he wanted done with it. ‘Just pop it in the corner’ he said. Best eight hours I’ve ever spent.