1001 Dad Jokes: Dads' Ultimate Collection of Laugh-Out-Loud, Gut-Busting Gags (1001 Jokes and Puns)

I didn’t think the chiropractor would improve my posture. But I stand corrected.

I saw an elderly man at the supermarket who was in charge of collecting all the trolleys. He must have been pushing seventy.

I got a phone call this morning and the caller said ‘I understand from your advert that you are selling a python. Is it big?’ ‘Sure is’ I replied. ‘Great!’ he said with enthusiasm. ‘How many feet?’ ‘None’ I replied. ‘It’s a snake’.

How did the Pre-Raphaelites know there were going to be Raphaelites?

The men who broke into the rope makers have been convicted of a string of offences.

What’s the oldest age someone can have a circumcision? I just want to know the cut-off date.

I relabelled all the jars in my wife’s spice rack. I’m not in trouble yet but the thyme is cumin…

I was driving along when a policeman pulled me over. ‘What’s your name?’ ‘Steve’ I said. ‘And your last name?’ he asked. I said ‘It’s always been Steve’.

Thieves have broken into a shirt manufacturer’s in Essex. They’ve stolen sizes Small and Medium but police have warned they are still at Large.