If you’re not great at writing poetry, then perhaps you should leave it to the prose.

I got this puppy for my wife. I think it was a fair trade.

These days, I find I’m getting really claustrophobic in lifts. I’ve had to start taking steps to avoid it.

I relabelled all the jars in my wife’s spice rack. I’m not in trouble yet but the thyme is cumin…

Solitary confinement. It’s not for everybody.

Apple have said that although their profits are down, their turnover is still good.

Police just knocked on my door. They said ‘Where were you between 5 and 7?’ I said ‘Primary school’.

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. It’s nice to have a bit of company.

My son was confused at school today in his origami class when they were told to fold their arms.