Thieves have broken into a shirt manufacturer’s in Essex. They’ve stolen sizes Small and Medium but police have warned they are still at Large.

My therapist told me I have problems verbalising my emotions. I can’t say I’m surprised.

The Self-Deprecation Society is inviting applications. I’ve already put myself down.

A guy walks into a bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the cashier and says ‘Give me all your money or you’re geography’. The cashier replies ‘Don’t you mean ‘history’?’ The robber says ‘Don’t change the subject’.

My son was confused at school today in his origami class when they were told to fold their arms.

Child psychologist? No thanks. I’d rather see an adult one.

Piano theft is increasing on a grand scale.

What’s green and slippery? My green slippers.

Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addiction Support Group. I see lots of new faces.