1001 Dad Jokes: Dads' Ultimate Collection of Laugh-Out-Loud, Gut-Busting Gags (1001 Jokes and Puns)

Apple have said that although their profits are down, their turnover is still good.

I had a great day at work today. We got a delivery of bubble wrap so I asked the boss what he wanted done with it. ‘Just pop it in the corner’ he said. Best eight hours I’ve ever spent.

I signed up for a ‘Learn How to Levitate’ course but it never got off the ground.

My therapist told me I have problems verbalising my emotions. I can’t say I’m surprised.

What’s the oldest age someone can have a circumcision? I just want to know the cut-off date.

Child psychologist? No thanks. I’d rather see an adult one.

These days, I find I’m getting really claustrophobic in lifts. I’ve had to start taking steps to avoid it.

I went for my routine check-up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his finger up my arse. I think it’s time I changed dentists.

I didn’t think the chiropractor would improve my posture. But I stand corrected.