Benjamin Monlezun
@benmonlezun
Benjamin Monlezun
How did you….
What’s it like….
Tell me about…
Where did you grow up?
That’s a lovely name. How’d your parents choose it?
What is the best way to grow old?
"What crossroads are you at?" At any moment, most of us are in the middle of some transition. The question helps people focus on theirs.
"What would you do if you weren't afraid?" Most people know tha
"Tell me about a time you adapted to change." "What's working really well in your life?"
"What are you most self-confident about?"
"Which of your five senses is strongest?"
"Have you ever been solitary without feeling lonely?" or
"What has become clearer to you as you have aged?"
Excellent feedback receivers recognize the bias inherent in every piece of feedback. They can see that when X person gives feedback about Y, they should listen closely because they care about Y, and X is an expert in Y. Conversely, if X talks about Z, they’ll disregard it because X really doesn’t know shit about Z
Good perspective on who’s giving feedback
For Murdoch, the essential immoral act is the inability to see other people correctly. Human beings, she finds, are self-centered beings, anxiety-ridden and resentful. We are constantly representing people to ourselves in self-serving ways, in ways that gratify our egos and serve our ends. We stereotype and condescend, ignore and dehumanize. And be
... See moreasked me about three topics: my ultimate goals (What do you want to offer the world?), my skills (What are you doing when you feel most alive?), and my schedule (How exactly do you fill your days?). These were questions that lifted me out of the daily intricacies of my schedule and forced me to look at the big picture.
From How to know a person
Look for extreme talent. Ask to “take me back” and get people in a narrative.
Listen for specific things they love or are good at. Like “I love writing out lesson plans”. Learned what they’re wired to do.
I'm not available." - Helps establish off-hours and personal time boundaries.
"I need you to help me." - Encourages teamwork and shared responsibility.
"I don't agree." - Clearly states disagreement while remaining open to finding a mutual solution.
"I understand you need my help, but I cannot work on this right now." - Balances empathy with personal ... See more
"I need you to help me." - Encourages teamwork and shared responsibility.
"I don't agree." - Clearly states disagreement while remaining open to finding a mutual solution.
"I understand you need my help, but I cannot work on this right now." - Balances empathy with personal ... See more
Advice to remember and review to better set boundaries.
When sometime tells them “You suck at Y” and they genuinely care about Y, they ask five additional follow-ups: “What have you seen me do that makes you think so?” “What do you think will help me improve in Y?” “Who is excellent at Y that I can learn from?” “How do you assess at Y?” “Why is Y important to be good at?”
Be a better feedback receiver.
Helping me think through managing and teaching and helping others change
"Every epistemology becomes an ethic," the educator Parker ].
Palmer once observed. "The shape of our knowledge becomes the shape of our living; the relation of the knower to the known becomes the relation of the living self to the larger world." Palmer is saying that the way we attend to others determines the kind of person we become. If we see peo... See more
Palmer once observed. "The shape of our knowledge becomes the shape of our living; the relation of the knower to the known becomes the relation of the living self to the larger world." Palmer is saying that the way we attend to others determines the kind of person we become. If we see peo... See more
Self improvement and How to Think About People
When looking at my family or friends that judge first (which I can even do) - this is the argument or the recognition of why they (and I) should change.
I think too, that social media harms our ability to cultivate the qualities of an Illuminator - to care and see others. That we are not one thing at one time. That we all have grains of the same qualities with a soul that changes from moment to moment.