Benjamin Monlezun
@benmonlezun
Benjamin Monlezun
One of the commonest and most generally accepted delusions is that every man can be qualified in some particular way— said to be kind, wicked, stupid, energetic, apathetic and so on.
People are not like that. We may say of a man that he is more often kind than cruel, more often wise than stupid, more often energetic than apathetic or vice versa; but... See more
People are not like that. We may say of a man that he is more often kind than cruel, more often wise than stupid, more often energetic than apathetic or vice versa; but... See more
How to think of any person as just like me - and how I’d want to be seen. Thanks Tolstoy.
When sometime tells them “You suck at Y” and they genuinely care about Y, they ask five additional follow-ups: “What have you seen me do that makes you think so?” “What do you think will help me improve in Y?” “Who is excellent at Y that I can learn from?” “How do you assess at Y?” “Why is Y important to be good at?”
Be a better feedback receiver.
"Tell me about a time you adapted to change." "What's working really well in your life?"
"What are you most self-confident about?"
"Which of your five senses is strongest?"
"Have you ever been solitary without feeling lonely?" or
"What has become clearer to you as you have aged?"
Excellent feedback receivers recognize the bias inherent in every piece of feedback. They can see that when X person gives feedback about Y, they should listen closely because they care about Y, and X is an expert in Y. Conversely, if X talks about Z, they’ll disregard it because X really doesn’t know shit about Z
Good perspective on who’s giving feedback
I'm not available." - Helps establish off-hours and personal time boundaries.
"I need you to help me." - Encourages teamwork and shared responsibility.
"I don't agree." - Clearly states disagreement while remaining open to finding a mutual solution.
"I understand you need my help, but I cannot work on this right now." - Balances empathy with personal... See more
"I need you to help me." - Encourages teamwork and shared responsibility.
"I don't agree." - Clearly states disagreement while remaining open to finding a mutual solution.
"I understand you need my help, but I cannot work on this right now." - Balances empathy with personal... See more
Advice to remember and review to better set boundaries.
asked me about three topics: my ultimate goals (What do you want to offer the world?), my skills (What are you doing when you feel most alive?), and my schedule (How exactly do you fill your days?). These were questions that lifted me out of the daily intricacies of my schedule and forced me to look at the big picture.
From How to know a person
For Murdoch, the essential immoral act is the inability to see other people correctly. Human beings, she finds, are self-centered beings, anxiety-ridden and resentful. We are constantly representing people to ourselves in self-serving ways, in ways that gratify our egos and serve our ends. We stereotype and condescend, ignore and dehumanize. And
... See moreLook for extreme talent. Ask to “take me back” and get people in a narrative.
Listen for specific things they love or are good at. Like “I love writing out lesson plans”. Learned what they’re wired to do.