Sonya Sukalski

@sonyasukalski

Retired in 2022. I enjoy writing, gardening, hiking, biking, and new ideas.

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I think that most people who say, “Everything happens for a reason,” can fuck off to a frigid cave,

Rob Delaney • A Heart That Works

Every cancer doctor has said some version of, “we don’t know what causes cancer. No two cancers are exactly the same. Certain genes are turned on or off, and we don’t know why.” They also say, “There will be plenty of things to worry about later, so don’t try to do all the worrying right now. We work as a team during the transplant, and when you are in the hospital, because there are better outcomes all around.” What they don’t say is hopefully the one with cancer also has a team. We certainly do, and I have taken a deep dive into gratitude because of it. The neighbors bringing: gluten free everything bagels, roasted chicken, potatoes and carrots, stuffed peppers, vegan chili, vegan chickpea stew, cookies, hangar steak with mushrooms, green beans, broccoli, polenta… Friends checking in, sending poetry, funny and inspiring videos, stories, messages of encouragement. Family checking in much more than usual, offering to come and help with the care-giver responsibilities, helping with the every day chores, telling me about new resources. Friends taking me to tea, organizing a meet at a nearby brewpub, offering for us to stay at their house near the hospital, bringing pumpkins to carve, and offering to come sing Christmas songs.

Nothing that is worth doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore we must be saved by hope. Nothing which is true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history. Reinhold Niebuhr

A Good Life and Life

My advice that I'd go to jail for (provided anyone would listen to me) is "let's focus our energies on fixing the old corrupt systems rather than tilting at the windmills of eliminating the bad people." Efforts to fix bad people always get lots of supporters, but never seem to get any actual positive results.

Ben Horowitz • The Architecture of Tomorrow: An Interview With Ben Horowitz

spouse, rather than the patient): “We’re gonna fight and beat this thing, Doc.” The armament varies, from prayer to wealth to herbs to stem cells. To me, that hardness always seems brittle, unrealistic optimism the only alternative to crushing despair.

Paul Kalanithi • When Breath Becomes Air

Insightful, and my response, guided by the wisdom of “Stress Less, Accomplish More” is to meditate twice a day, and let all the challenges surface, inform me, and integrate however they need to.

In our society, the spaces for adults to play are mostly constrained, for example, to sports, or going to the pub. And opportunities to live a life of imagination are reserved for exceptionally privileged people, like designers, actors, artists and film directors. This lack of imagination in our lives is an existential risk for society and... See more

Medium • Rewilding the Imagination

One of the things about the Valley that I find outsiders miss the most is that it feels like it's all moving so fast, and yet, any of the important companies or any of the important products take a decade or more to build. Everything important takes a long time, so a lot of it actually feels quite slow. Long-term orientation is absolutely... See more

Marc Andreessen • Why We Should Be Optimistic About the Future

Question: How can I judge myself less harshly and appreciate myself more?

Ram Dass on self-judgment:

I think that part of it is observing oneself more impersonally. I often use this image, which I think I have used already, but let me say it again. That when you go out into the woods and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some... See more

Belonging

Judgment gets in the way of belonging

This song from the show New Amsterdam always touches me with it’s simplicity and gentleness.

https://open.spotify.com/track/52h1R2xNPFrNh7U9Yghcjq?si=ed31b1661d5f4587

My spouse has cancer