Sublime

Attachment is built through attunement and caring. In the infant-mother relationship, it is spun largely out of the infant’s needs (expressed in what are called attachment behaviors) and the mother’s responses to these needs. In fact the mother’s responses, their consistency and quality, are the key ingredient.10

Insecure attachment styles are actually strategies for managing the uncomfortable emotions aroused by Mother’s inconsistency, according to author Diana Fosha. “Their coping style— watching Mother like a hawk and clinging to her to reassure themselves she won’t disappear again—is their…

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Children have a biological instinct to attach—they have no choice. Whether their parents or caregivers are loving and caring or distant, insensitive, rejecting, or abusive, children will develop a coping style based on their attempt to get at least some of their needs met.

Children become attached to whoever functions as their primary caregiver. But the nature of that attachment—whether it is secure or insecure—makes a huge difference over the course of a child’s life. Secure attachment develops when caregiving includes emotional attunement. Attunement starts at the most subtle physical levels of interaction between

If Mother was inconsistent, sometimes responding positively and sometimes not, you may have learned that the only way to make sure your attachment needs are met is to keep focused on them, keep close tabs on the people you are in relationships with, and continue highlighting your feelings and needs (preoccupied style).

the need to be near someone special is so important that the brain has a biological mechanism specifically responsible for creating and regulating our connection with our attachment figures (parents, children, and romantic partners). This mechanism, called the attachment system, consists of emotions and behaviors that ensure that we remain safe and