Sublime

People with a secure attachment style, like Stan, are characterized by something very real but not outwardly visible—they are programmed to expect their partners to be loving and responsive and don’t worry much about losing their partners’ love.

The person with healthy attachment does not worry they will be abandoned or forgotten because they know others will think of them even while they are apart and will make decisions with their wellbeing in mind. They do not worry when disagreements arise because they know they are connected at a deeper level.

Just as Bowlby had observed, securely attached infants are distressed when their mother leaves them, but they show delight when she returns, and after a brief check-in for reassurance, they settle down and resume their play.

the need to be near someone special is so important that the brain has a biological mechanism specifically responsible for creating and regulating our connection with our attachment figures (parents, children, and romantic partners). This mechanism, called the attachment system, consists of emotions and behaviors that ensure that we remain safe and

Both the attachment figure’s presence and the good feelings that constitute the relationship become part of the client’s psyche and structure. In a secure attachment, that person becomes part of your heart. (See “Your portable Good Mother")