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The urge to blame is based . . . on the fear of being blamed
Sheila Heen • Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
People almost never change without first feeling understood.
Sheila Heen • Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
The gold standard here is working for mutual understanding.
Bruce Patton • Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
The single most important thing [you can do] is to shift [your] internal stance from "I understand" to "Help me understand." Everything else follows from that
Sheila Heen • Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
observe whether there are patterns to what tends to knock you off balance during difficult conversations, and then ask yourself why. What about your identity feels at risk? What does this mean to you?
Bruce Patton • Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
One thing you can make of it is that they are as imperfect as you are.
Bruce Patton • Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
Identity is the story we tell ourselves about who we are and what the future holds for us, and when critical feedback is incoming, that story is under attack.