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observe whether there are patterns to what tends to knock you off balance during difficult conversations, and then ask yourself why. What about your identity feels at risk? What does this mean to you?
Bruce Patton • Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

First, we need to examine our own story. What is the story we are telling ourselves that is giving rise to how we feel? What is our story missing?
Bruce Patton • Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
Taking responsibility for your contribution up front prevents the other person from using it as a shield to avoid a discussion of their own contribution.
Bruce Patton • Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
If they aren’t getting how important something is to you and you don’t flag it, then you are letting yourself down.
Bruce Patton • Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
You Will Make Mistakes.
Bruce Patton • Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
We find deep meaning in the act of serving.
Frances Frei • Uncommon Service: How to Win by Putting Customers at the Core of Your Business
three identity issues seem particularly common, and often underlie what concerns us most during difficult conversations: Am I competent? Am I a good person? Am I worthy of love?