Sublime

Live with integrity. Decide what feels right to you, then do it. ■Accept the consequences of your actions.

Interestingly enough, when Nice Guys take responsibility for their own needs and make them a priority, those around them benefit too. Gone are the covert contracts, the guessing games, the anger outbursts, and passive-aggressive behavior. Gone are the manipulation, the controlling behavior, and the resentment.

Bill is the person to whom everyone turns when they need something. The word “no” just isn’t in his vocabulary. He fixes cars for women at his church. He coaches his son’s little league baseball team. His buddies call on him when they need help moving. He looks after his widowed mother every evening after work.

In order for Nice Guys to get their needs met, they must begin to shift their core paradigms.

As stated above, the Nice Guys I counsel are generally intelligent, talented men. As these men work on recovering from the Nice Guy Syndrome, they begin to accept themselves just as they are. This acceptance of the self allows them to embrace their passions and face their fears.

The more frightened they are, the more they use their childhood survival mechanisms.

Mature, successful people establish their own rules. These rules are measured by only one standard: do they work?