Sublime

she might be able to gain some valuable information about her own childhood wounds. She could do this by following a simple procedure. First, she could write her criticism of her partner on a piece of paper: “You are always so disorganized!” Then she could answer the following questions: How do I feel when my partner acts this way?

T

Keep dating others until you are sure you want to commit to this one person. Don’t get swept out of the pack too early.

they assign their partner the task of making it happen!

We subject everyone to the same intense scrutiny: is this someone who will nurture me and help me recover my lost self? When we meet someone who appears to meet these needs, the old brain registers instant interest.

She said to me, “Why should I have to ask, after all I have done for him?” I explained that making him responsible for knowing her wants was not only unrealistic but a big part of her problem. She needed to be responsible for getting her needs fulfilled.

I had begun therapy to work on issues in my marriage. I couldn’t figure out why being such a Nice Guy didn’t make my wife happy or make her want to have more sex with me. No matter how hard I tried to please her, keep the peace, avoid conflict, and hide my needs, she was still frequently moody, angry, critical, and sexually unavailable.