Sublime

Give Your Mind a Name and Listen to It Politely

controlled half of the relationship, my half.

This is what Dan Siegel refers to as the window of tolerance. In this zone, your body can hold more energy—both yours and others—and it’s also where karmic change, sublime connection, and profound inspiration exist. For example, your capacity to withstand and hold a feminine storm of emotion—especially if directed at you—and then powerfully choose

Being able to hover calmly and objectively over our thoughts, feelings, and emotions (an ability I’ll call mindfulness throughout this book) and then take our time to respond allows the executive brain to inhibit, organize, and modulate the hardwired automatic reactions preprogrammed into the emotional brain.

Those new disciplines are neuroscience, the study of how the brain supports mental processes; developmental psychopathology, the study of the impact of adverse experiences on the development of mind and brain; and interpersonal neurobiology, the study of how our behavior influences the emotions, biology, and mind-sets of those around us.

Search: create openings through neural dissonance widen window of tolerance (and strengthen secure base) 3. Shift: seek alignment through neural resonance integrate learning (and enrich working model) 4. Sustain: reinforce new narrative through feedback build confidence in new action (and increase security)

Put most simply, he borrowed my brain. We do this for one another all the time. Current research clearly indicates that we are not walled-in, freestanding individuals. Our human brains—in fact, most mammals’ brains—are built for co-regulation.