Sublime

Insecure attachment styles are actually strategies for managing the uncomfortable emotions aroused by Mother’s inconsistency, according to author Diana Fosha. “Their coping style— watching Mother like a hawk and clinging to her to reassure themselves she won’t disappear again—is their…

Some highlights have been hidden or truncated due to export limi

In my work with people in the helping professions, I have often been confronted with a childhood history that seems significant to me. • There was a mother* who at the core was emotionally insecure and who depended for her equilibrium on her child’s behaving in a particular way. This mother was able to hide her insecurity from her child and from ev

Without Mother as an effective modulator, we don’t learn to effectively manage our emotions.

She teaches her child how to get along with others, how to make good decisions, and how to manage time, meet responsibilities, and pursue goals.

People with early childhood struggles which impact their attachment style rarely seem to recover on their own. Instead, their lives seem to follow a trajectory passing through anxiety into depression, and possibly later into panic attacks, trauma, or other mental health issues.

Parental abuse is not the only cause of disorganized attachment: Parents who are preoccupied with their own trauma, such as domestic abuse or rape or the recent death of a parent or sibling, may also be too emotionally unstable and inconsistent to offer much comfort and protection.

A secure attachment combined with the cultivation of competency builds an internal locus of control, the key factor in healthy coping throughout life.

When the alarm bell of the emotional brain keeps signaling that you are in danger, no amount of insight will silence it.