Someone’s best qualities, through a squint, are just their flaws.

I heard someone say "don't cross oceans for people who wouldn't cross a puddle for you." Which I thought was good advice. But then someone else spoke up and said "No. Do it. Do cross oceans for people. Love all people. No conditions attached. No wondering whether or not they are worthy. Cross oceans, climb mountains. Life and love isn't about what ... See more

Just as someone with iron deficiency anemia craves ice (“pica”), I crave texture .

I yearn to feel the coarseness of sketch paper and the silky fibers of a floor rug more than ever before. I’m sitting at my laptop typing this essay, and what do I feel? I feel the base of my palm resting against the slight cold of my MacBook’s sturdy silver gray bas... See more

A big project of mine over the next year will be writing about cultural scripts and expectations in friendship. Friendship is vastly undertheorized as compared to romantic relationships, but they’re just as important: they affect our quality of life in the most fundamental ways. Friendship is an entry point to everything: work, romance, sense of se... See more

The thing I’ve learned over time is that friendships are not fungible—no two people are the same, obviously, but also you can’t replicate the experience of someone knowing you through a particular era of your life. You can never go back to that period of your life; you can never replace the people who witnessed you and supported you. To me, relinqu... See more

1. It’s Good.


2. It Can be Better.

It’s a little trite, but try it out next time you’re feeling hard on yourself. If you’ve gotten some way into a creative project, the odds are it’s not terrible. It’s probably not where you want it to be or where you’ve imagined it can be, but it’s hopefully at least decent. And it can be better.

But in my opinion, the best way to get more comfortable asking “dumb questions” is to ask them more, because then you’ll see the benefit and become addicted. I learned this skill at school because I noticed the deep sighs of relief from classmates when I sacrificed myself by asking my teachers or professors the dumb question we were all thinking. A... See more

People who are stuck often ask themselves, What am I supposed to do next? That question often comes from a place of paying attention to your thoughts, not your body. You’re too busy being slammed by your feelings to read what they’re telling you.

But how do you pay attention to your body, how do you parse your feelings, how do you reach that sense ... See more

Girlhood is big business. The ones who are best at it literally treat it as an occupation, modeling or taking suitably candid-looking pictures of themselves, recommending clothes and jewelry and books, going viral on TikTok. They’re performing a way of being that looks joyful, effortless, and adorable. It’s a performance that by definition has a sh... See more