After twenty years of mostly taking care of my daughter’s and husband’s needs first, I had no idea what I wanted. If you put yourself last, you can’t even see yourself anymore! So I took my time, getting to know myself again, trying things out, and asking myself, do I like this? Do I want more of this? Or less?

But here’s the thing: When I do actually find a rare bit of “me” time, I often don’t know what to do with it. I’ve been drowning so long and so deep in my own mental labor, I don’t even know who I am when I stumble upon a life preserver.

In order to figure out what we want to do with our precious time and energy, we have to figure out who we are an... See more

I could spend my entire life checking off items on my to-do list, and in the end, it would make very little difference. I didn’t want my epitaph to read, “She got a lot of stuff done.” Instead, I had to figure out how I, and I alone, could make a difference—and this was as true for my homelife as it was for my professional one.

Let us be different in our homes. Let us realize that, along with food, shelter, and clothing, we have another obligation to our children, and that is to affirm their “rightness.” The whole world will tell them what’s wrong with them—loud and often. Our job is to let our children know what’s right about them

The three keys to peaceful parenting:

• Regulate your own emotions:“Our ability to self-regulate might have the biggest impact on who our child turns out to be compared to anything else we do”


• Connect with your kids


• Coach instead of punishing

Raising children has come to look more and more like a business endeavor and less and less like an endeavor of the heart. We are overly concerned with “the bottom line,” with how our children “do” rather than with who our children “are.” We pour time, attention, and money into insuring their performance, consistently making it to their soccer game ... See more

In this anxious inheritance from my mother and my grandmother, I’ve both under- and overcorrected. Most of what I provide to my kids is nurturance, care and a soft lap before bed. I have excellent paid help to address many of their practical needs. I indulge them a lot. They participate in zero extracurriculars and do not have great table manners. ... See more

If you’re under 90, try things.

If you want to change your life, change what you pay attention to.