original writing

‪reframing perfectionism anxiety helped me a lot, the calmer I am the clearer I think, and my body can’t lie and my brain is always lying (ie, the brain is going to interpret signals from the body anyway it can even if it’s not accurate to the situation). ‬

perfectionism isn’t about being perfect it’s about fear. mistakes are perceived as unsafe so

gotcha
I’m dead
now see me bleed
do you see your greed?
oh wait— that’s not punishment enough?
the consequences of
all your inactions
but you don’t even
look
at me
at what’s you did
you’re still living
the maggots are brimming
gotcha
I’m dead

— poem from my journal 21-01-2025

If you focus on how space travel works and not on the pilots of your ship you are neglecting an opportunity for emotional connection [in your creative project].

— paraphrased quote from my journal 20-01-025

I have time to become. I have time to explore and grow. My life can and will include “this and more…” I can’t wait to see what’s in store for me. I have so much life ahead of me. Isn’t that beautiful?

— excerpt from my journal 08-01-2025

When we all have our needs met, our potential for growth, authenticity, and fulfillment becomes infinitely more accessible.

Needs met based on equity. Energy exchange, earnest.

There is no need for competition. We all get to thrive and be recognized.

— excerpt from my journal 07-01-2025

My creative projects are fragile, living entities that must be fed time, attention, space, active care, enthusiasm, structure, and excitement until they are ready to exist in the world independent of me.

— a quote I paraphrased/personalized for my cork board

Missed Connections (in Dreamland)

In early August, I dreamt of us coming home together late at night. We might’ve been a little drunk or a little stoned, sharing a playful and flirty energy as we walked.

I didn’t recognize the place where we arrived, but it felt like yours. The way we laughed and talked felt so natural, and what we did, I’ll say, was

You have an empty vessel
Neglected and worn through
It cannot hold water
It cannot be refilled
You have a broken heart
With missing shards
Stuck in every hand that hurt you
Stuck even in your own
You have a gaping wound
Rotten and as old as you
That vices cannot numb
That lovers cannot sew
You have this mess before you
It’s all here on the floor
If

“Go with the flow” and “flowing like water”

Water will always get where it wants to go. It will take the path of least resistance to get there. Water is also patient; it will change the landscape, move through rock, carve out winding rivers. It will find the cracks in everything. So we flow like water, facing life with the same probing curiosity,