In argument of Her

Women are in the midst of a revolutionary reckoning with our ambitions. We’re not resigning en masse—because who can afford to quit her job in this economy?!—but we are trying to figure out a new set of goals and guidance for our professional lives. Thanks to long-simmering inequality and stubborn sexism, clarified by the pain of the pandemic, our ... See more

And in the same way, I sort of want to reach out to the people saying Me Too and I want to tell them that it’s okay to hurt, but this doesn’t have to be anything special. It can just be pain, and then healing. I’m afraid that the cultural attitude that sparks Me Too will lock people into the pain.

The question is not whether women have permission to forego longstanding marriages and relationships to pursue a regular churn of sexual and romantic partners, in an effort to achieve real satisfaction and happiness. The answer to that was already yes. The more relevant question is, will the women who attempt this actually achieve satisfaction and ... See more

I realized that being in the driver’s seat of my own life was exhausting, and became aware of the pipeline between submission and surrender—how fucking good it feels to be relieved of the need to decide, both in the bedroom and outside of it. That’s part of why I’m fascinated by tradwives—women whose lives to me lack liberation and ambition, but to... See more

This has helped me understand why female longing and yearning can get so aggressive, almost manic, delirious at times — it is nothing but disguised sexual desire bursting under the right amount of pressure and submission, a passive state that wants to turn active but doesn’t know how to.

A recent study found that after casual sex, women, on average, report high levels of loneliness, unhappiness, rejection, and regret. Conversely, men report higher satisfaction, happiness, contentment, and mood improvement. 

This is one of a few dynamics where social progress supposedly intended to benefit women instead ended up benefiting men.

Gisele Pélicot said she had recognised only one of her alleged rapists, a man who had come to discuss cycling with her husband at their home. “I saw him now and then in the bakery; I would say hello. I never thought he’d come and rape me,” she said.

The problem was never that women found sex too casual; it was that they found it too unkind. Courtesy, attentiveness, respect for refusal, an investment in someone else’s good time—these are what I hear women looking for in their sexual utopias, and none of them require a diamond ring. The problem expressed in much of Me Too was not that committed ... See more