Delivering Feedback

“People listen better if they feel that you have understood them. They tend to think that those who understand them are intelligent and sympathetic people whose own opinions may be worth listening to. So if you want the other side to appreciate your interests, begin by demonstrating that you appreciate theirs.”

― Roger Fisher, Getting to Yes:

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There's a great quote that Nick Saban said. He said that average players want to be left alone. Good players want to be coached, and great players want to be told the truth. Michael had a giant ego and a giant drive, but he would run up to the coach and tell me what I need to get better at.

Feedback is ineffective if it does NOT result in the other person taking action in a way they or you feel good about.

As the remixed Dostoevsky quote goes, All effective feedback is alike; each piece of ineffective feedback is ineffective in its own way.

Ineffective feedback is feedback the other person…

…already knew, so they don’t do anything... See more

Instead of telling people what I think of a proposal, a product, a feature, whatever, I ask them instead what they think. Were they thrilled with it? Absolutely love it? Most of the time I would hear, “It's okay,” or “It's not bad.” They would surmise from my facial expression that this wasn't the answer I was looking for. Come back when you are... See more

The most important ingredient for giving effective feedback is care for the other person.

Your intent must to be genuinely help the other person. You must see and validate them, and thus want what’s best for them. If you go into giving feedback with a kind of I mantra in your head—I want to sound smart, I want them to like me, I give them a piece of... See more

“Better to get your dopamine from improving your ideas than having them validated. “ – Nat Friedman