The difference with a concrete community of moral calling is that it, at the very least, forces us out of our own individuality in order to learn how to reckon with others. At its best, it calls us to be better than we are.
Understanding this distinction helps us recognize that self-acceptance, self-worth, and the common good depend not on indulging our proclivities or tastes but on growing together with our neighbours into better people.
The size of the effect is astounding. Cross-class friendships are a better predictor of upward mobility than school quality, job availability, community cohesion or family structure. If these results are true, then we have largely ignored a powerful way to help people realise the American dream.
Humans have always known we cannot survive alone, and that to protect ourselves, we need to persuade others to care about us. We cultivate trusting reciprocal pacts with other people – blood relatives, but also friends and neighbours - through which reassure ourselves we can both care and be cared for, if the necessity strikes. These ties can have... See more