Confidence in speaking

She also includes a number of ‘markers’ in her speech to direct our attention and link her thoughts. ‘Which brings me to this …’; ‘What I know for sure …’ These moments give us time to take in what she’s talking about and give her time to breathe.

—In a meeting, job interview or important conversation, have something in mind you would like to say in conclusion to a point or that you really want to drop in. Make it short and easy to remember. Practise saying it slowly and deliberately. In every conversation, we all have something we really want to get across; in more formal conversations we m

—The next time you’re in a meeting, notice the pace of your own speech and that of others. Do people listen more when you slow down? Can you force yourself to speak uncomfortably slowly? What difference does that make?

—Your pace is a big part of how you engage an audience. It’s as much about how fast or slow you choose to go as it is about how much you are listening to them, watching them and registering if they are following you.

—If you have spoken for a while and suddenly realize it was too fast, have the guts to admit it and stop. Say, ‘Let me give you a moment to take all that in.’ Then take a couple of deep breaths and continue at a more easily understandable pace.

—Pace is often dictated by nerves, and nerves can also be controlled by the breath. If you’re gabbling, register that and take a moment. Feel the soles of your feet on the floor; let your brain drop into your stomach; breathe through your feet. Relax. Pick up your thought and start again.

—Your speed is highly determined by your breath. You ignore your breath at your peril! It’s a great tool to use to keep yourself relaxed and to find natural pauses in your speech. Just a few moments spent thinking about your breathing before or at the beginning of a speech will relax you. Notice how you punctuate what you’re saying using your breat

As the American coach Brendon Burchard writes in The Motivation Manifesto: ‘Almost all fear we experience today, and its resultant cowardly thinking and behaviour, is just imagined social drama created by unchecked mental processes and conditioning. We are afraid of being rejected, isolated or abandoned – not of being eaten alive.’

As the novelist Philip Roth said of his work: ‘Over the years what you develop is a tolerance for your own crudeness. And patience with your own crap, really. Belief in your crap, which is just “stay with your crap and it will get better, and come back every day and keep going”.’