annotations: madonna in a fur coat

damn! this captures that emotional reflex where the moment you need support is the moment you feel least able to be seen. it is not that his friends are unsafe, it is that their presence makes him feel too visible. when you already feel incapable, even kindness can feel like a burn.

two things happening at once; the part of him that wants connection, and the part that is scared that his vulnerability will show. needing people activates shame instead of comfort, so he pulls away. not because he does not care, but because he is trying to protect the last bit of his self-esteem. it is that familiar thought of if you look at me right now, you will see I am not okay.

I see him & have been there.