You Belong: A Call for Connection

Lately I’ve been looking closely at how fear of not belonging ties me to patterns of domination. When I feel unsure about myself or someone else, I can devolve into my patterns of “know-it-allness” (spell check initially corrected “allness” to “illness” . . . apt). When my know-it-all self shows up, I use my intellect to soothe my feelings of isola

Sometimes we will know the original source of our not belonging; often we will not. Our invitation and challenge is to spend time knowing ourselves. Often that means being willing to see what we don’t normally see.

By constantly ruminating on my experiences with my ex, I was in an obsessive need to be superior. I was right. I couldn’t let that simply be. By constantly reliving the past, I expended my (precious) energy on my need to be better than. This is adopting and internalizing the dynamic of domination.

Joy is accepting each moment for what it is without contention. We belong to any moment simply by meeting it with joy. This is freedom. Love is the ultimate expression of joy and freedom. Joy, freedom, and love could be considered synonyms for each other, and for belonging.

The pathology of productivity is entwined with a pathology of performativity. The need to always do (and share) keeps us from grounding, knowing, loving, connecting, and ultimately from being.

In order to become liberated, to become free, to truly belong, we must know ourselves. Why? Well any suffering, dis-ease, unhappiness, anxiety, or not belonging that we experience exists within us.

Our aspiration is rooted in acceptance. Aspiration and acceptance may seem contradictory (those damn paradoxes again): we aspire to belong, and we accept that this is already so. We discover this through the body.

Even when we place ourselves at the bottom (or at the same level), we are buying into separation and domination.

The erotic is embodied awareness with an attention to joy, to savoring every moment—not for stimulation but for liberation.

“Difference” does not equal “not belonging,” but as many of us live farther away from our families and as we connect to multiple communities and cultures, our sense of belonging feels tenuous.