He didn’t need to just shove those feelings away and cope, find substances to make it better, or try harder and harder to adapt to the very environment or relationships that were causing him pain.

It might seem highly patronizing to tell an adult that they need to be reparented. In fact it’s the height of maturity to recognize that the small version of us must, if we’re ever to get better, allow ourselves another chance to experience what it could feel like to matter limitlessly to a kindly companion.

“Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.” by Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg

Day to day, they’re more likely to simply criticize you as they attempt to reshape you to fit their ideal image of a spouse, child, friend, etc. What you’re hearing is their inner critic attempting to improve you, just as it does to them all day long. You’re being treated to a dose of their own inner hell. Try

This insight is the foundation for all authentic forgiveness. When we make an unkind assumption about another’s behavior, we interpret a cry for love as something else. To come to this realization doesn’t excuse us from the need to be discerning, but it does release us from being judgmental.