Saved by Christo Pops
If God actually chooses you he ruins you for normal life, marks you so obviously that other people can smell it on you and they will hate you for it, not consciously but in their bones, because your existence proves that settling was optional and they chose it anyway. The blessed man sleeps alone because everyone around him is engaged in a silent conspiracy to worship their own limitations and he refuses to join, and that refusal is an act of violence against the social contract. They will forgive you for being evil before they forgive you for being called
The “wish to be feared or loved by people for no reason other than the joy derived from such power, which [he now realizes] is no joy at all. It is a wretched life.” It is the sort of life that hollows you out, sucking every ounce of your energy to the surface to maintain the veneer that captures attention. Indeed, we’re prone in this idolatry to
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